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Secure attachment isn’t addictive.

Insecure relationships feel like you’re stuck on a rollercoaster. As sickening as the ups and downs are, they can also be addictive. When we aren’t emotionally stable, we often accept any breadcrumbs thrown our way.

I spent 6 years accepting breadcrumbs. I was insecure and lusting after emotionally unavailable people who didn’t want me back. I had no idea what an emotionally secure relationship looked like.

Until I changed my attachment style to secure after years of being anxious-avoidant.

Here are 4 things emotionally secure people don’t do in relationships.

1. Shut off their emotions

Emotionally secure people are comfortable with being open and vulnerable. You can talk about how much you love your partner without freaking them out.

I didn’t know how to express my feelings in a healthy way. Secure people are comfortable with having emotions and confronting them.

2. Cling onto you for dear life

Independence is easy for secure people, and they don’t mind if you do the same. You won’t get 500 messages a day complaining about how angry they are at you for not replying instantly.

I was a clingy person in my first relationship, I couldn’t leave my ex-girlfriend’s side. When you’re emotionally insecure, it can feel like you’re facing abandonment at any moment.

They trust their partners. When you feel secure within yourself, nobody can shake you from your tree.

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3. Play mind games

When secure people know what they want, they go for it. When you ask “what are we?” they’ll be upfront and tell you. They won’t run away had hide from adult topics.

Emotionally insecure people will keep their options open. They’re afraid of commitment. Secure people will make it known they love you and care about you.

They are in it for the long-run, they know what they want. You won’t need to second guess your partner or their motives, because they’re genuine and honest.

4. Set unrealistic expectations of their partners

Emotionally insecure people set unrealistic expectations of what their ideal partner looks like. But I’ll tell you a secret. They’ll never find their dream partner.

Do you know why? Because the person doesn’t exist! Creating a dream partner with unrealistic expectations is code for:

These people will never be happy with anyone. Secure people accept their partners for the person they are. Warts and all.

Summary

Emotionally securely people are comfortable within themselves. When you’re comfortable within yourself, you don’t feel the need to play games.

Talking about emotions doesn’t feel like it’s the end of the world either. You don’t cling onto your partner for dear life because you’re terrified of being alone.

When you’re emotionally secure, you’re unshakable.

A few weeks ago I was going through some personal pain in my life and overreacted to something silly. Afterward, I felt embarrassed to have acted that way in front of my partner. I wondered to myself, why would he want to spend his life with me if I had these kinds of moments?

When I apologized the next morning, my partner reacted with nothing but kindness and understanding.

It has taken me several years for me to accept this but I have come to realize that the love my partner has for me isn’t conditional. He truly accepts me for the person that I am and loves me even though I come with some quirks and faults.

If you are anything like me and need a little reminder sometimes, here are four signs that your partner loves you unconditionally.


1. They trust you completely

I have been in relationships where my boyfriends would go through my phone and then congratulate me on not cheating. Needless to say, I was not happy and it showcased the lack of trust.

Going through someone’s phone and finding no evidence of them cheating on you isn’t trusting them. Instead, you are violating their trust and showing that you don’t respect their boundaries.

If you are in a new relationship with someone that seems stable, secure, and happy, then you can’t project previous trust issues on them. It’s important to keep an eye out for any red flags but you shouldn’t need proof of their loyalty.

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2. They support your dreams and ambitions

Right before graduating from college, I was in a relationship with my first serious love. I overheard him say to another one of my friends while we were all out at a bar saying “I don’t want her to go to graduate school, I just want her to marry me.

He wanted different things than I did and often would do things to try to give me to give up on my dreams.

The right partner won’t do this at all. Instead, they will encourage you and they will do everything in their power to help you succeed at your dreams and ambitions.


3. They are transparent/honest with you

Therapy ended up changing my life. I found a fantastic therapist that helped me work through my childhood trauma as well as several emotionally abusive relationships.

On the other hand, when I was in a toxic relationship my partner did everything he could to stop me from seeing a therapist and succeeded. Looking back, I realized it was because he most likely knew and feared that I would wake up to how he was treating me and leave.

When someone loves you unconditionally they are going to encourage you to do everything you can to feel better.


4. They love you in the bad times

At first, I feared that he would leave. I feared that my actions would scare him away and that he wouldn’t want me anymore.

Yet even in the worst of times, he didn’t leave.

Recently we went through a very traumatic experience as a couple. It was during that experience that I realized that even though we were both uncertain of the future, my partner had no doubt that I would be part of his.

No relationship is perfect.

There are going to be ups and downs and there are going to be people that aren’t right for us in the roller-coaster of dating and love.

However, when you find the right person, and you realize that their love is not conditional, it makes the entire journey worth it.

Source : Medium

‘What am I doing for the most important person in my life?’ and other thought exercises

Our lives are composed of days. They pile on, one after the next, and if we’re honest, most of us would admit we don’t use each one as well as we could.

Maybe you’ve tried to micromanage your time and force yourself into a robotic routine — but that only makes you feel more trapped. Instead, gently encourage yourself to make better use of your days by asking yourself the following questions.

What would my best self do today?

Envisioning the best version of yourself can be a powerful motivator. However, simply imagining that person is more challenging than it sounds. Once you’ve imagined them, it’s difficult to turn that idealized person into something concrete.

Here’s a better way to approach this exercise: Ask yourself what your best self would do with the day ahead. How would they use this time? Where would they go? What would they accomplish, and how?

You should know instinctively.

By imagining what the best possible thing that could happen to us would be, we can prime ourselves to experience it. In this mindset, the best possible outcome is often the most likely outcome.

Maybe it’s that you finally got a long, much-needed nap. Maybe it’s that you enjoyed a quiet walk outside. Maybe it’s that you finished a project and it wasn’t as tiresome as you’d feared.

Figure out what your best possible outcome is from the onset. Keep it in mind throughout your day.

Growth happens incrementally. We don’t wake up one day and completely change our behavior. Instead, each day we focus on being just 1% better than we were the day before.

Think of one thing, however small it might be, that you may be able to do better today than yesterday. Perhaps it’s how you relate to your partner or kids, stepping away from work at a reasonable hour, or cooking that meal you said you would. These micro-improvements will eventually change your life.

The biggest problems in our lives exist because they feel, or seem, unsolvable. In reality, they’re just more complex or time consuming to solve.

Ask yourself what steps you could take today to chip away at one of your biggest goals, or an issue that’s bothering you. Perhaps it’s a debt repayment, a relationship you want to improve, or your health and wellness.

Don’t worry about fixing everything in 24 hours. Instead, worry about which minor shifts you can make with the day ahead. These shifts, small as they might be, have the potential to impact your life for years to come.

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While we’re imagining all of our long-term aspirations and the steps we’ll take to reach them, we must not forget the essentials — the tasks we must accomplish today to make those far-off goals possible.

Attending to the essentials will allow you to prioritize correctly and stay on schedule. The truth is that we can’t do it all at once, but if we prioritize one thing at a time, we can get it all done sooner than we think.

Who is the most important person, or people, in your life? (Even if that person is you.)

What are you doing for them today? It doesn’t have to be a massive sacrifice. It could be as simple as paying them a phone call, writing them a letter (or a long email), or cooking dinner because you know they have a lot on their plate.

Of course, humans never evolve if they don’t take risks — and if we don’t take a risk today, when will we?

Instead of aiming for monumental endeavors, consider something small you can change about your day or routine to open yourself up to a new experience you’re not sure you’ll like. Listen to a new playlist, cook a new dish, text someone you haven’t in a while, or attempt a new hobby. Pay attention to how you feel.

The answer for most of us, most days, is no. And not only is this important to realize, it’s also freeing.

Instead of worrying about whether we failed or succeeded, enjoyed ourselves or didn’t, realizing that we probably will not remember this specific day — even in the immediate future — helps free us from a bit of the pressure to make it absolutely perfect.

With that said, some days are simply more memorable than others. If we make a concerted effort to challenge ourselves or rewrite our story in a small but meaningful way, we can turn an ordinary day into one that has an impact for a long time to come.

Source : Youngsters

I should have known it was a bad sign

Myhusband didn’t cry at our wedding. However, he did get  drunk in a corner of the room with his best man immediately after we said our vows. Was that a bad sign? In retrospect, I believe it was.

On my wedding day, I didn’t even realize that many grooms  burst into happy tears at the altar. It wasn’t until years later that I noticed just how many husbands-to-be got emotional at the sight of the blushing bride marching proudly down the aisle on her father’s arm. He couldn’t have cared less.

 groom showed up for our wedding ceremony several hours late. It isn’t like he got lost on the way to the venue. We were married in his mother and stepfather’s garden, between their wooden fence and the inground pool. He knew his way to their house like he knew the back of his hand.

Not long before that day, he had lived in the upstairs bedroom of their home. It was the room with the sliding glass door and the private balcony. Unfortunately, his mother and his stepfather threw him out of their home due to his bad behavior, and that move directly led to our decision to wed.

His only saving grace was that our justice of the peace was hours late, too. Otherwise, the wedding would likely have been canceled, which would have been a blessing.

Instead, my dry-eyed groom and my hungry wedding guests and my depressed parents watched me approach the garden ceremony spot in my short ruffled party dress and my cheap shoes with my dirty orange hair in knots and fresh runs in my pantyhose, and no one cried.

No, my husband didn’t cry at my wedding, but I have a feeling my parents cried buckets for the next five years until I left my abusive marriage and returned to my childhood bedroom. Today, I sleep in the same twin bed I slept in before I entered kindergarten, and I sleep like a baby.

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Tobe fair, there were no tears forming at the corners of my eyes on my wedding day either. The closest I came to having hot tears stream down my face came on my wedding night when we spent our first private moments alone together as husband and wife. That’s when I discovered that I had a painful yeast infection, but that’s an unfortunate story for another day.

It’s fitting that I suffered from an untreated yeast infection during the entirety of my honeymoon. Why shouldn’t the first week of my marriage be just as miserable as the next five years would be? If my life were a novel, that would be considered foreshadowing.

My marriage was miserable, and it dragged every aspect of my life down with it until waking up every morning was an exercise in abject despair. Despite my misery, I was determined to remain married because I felt that getting divorced was akin to failure. I was wrong. It doesn’t work that way.

I realize now that nothing could be further from the truth. Divorce isn’t a sign of failure. It’s a second chance at living your best life, and I would heartily recommend it to anyone in a situation like mine. It’s unfortunate that it took so long for me to understand that divorce courts exist for a reason. Divorce is one option. If you need it, take it.

There are marriages that succeed, and there are those that fail. No one should ever feel obligated to remain in the latter. Attempting to remain married to a man who mistreated me wasn’t brave and noble. It was dumb, and I am perfectly okay with admitting it now.

There was nothing brave and noble about allowing myself to be abused for four long years, seven miserable months, with a handful of days added in for good measure, but you know what? None of that matters anymore because I finally found the strength to leave him, and I have never been happier.

I never saw my husband cry once during the nearly five years we were married. I, on the other hand, cried more than enough for both of us. At times, it seemed that my tears could have filled an ocean.


Istill cry sometimes. There are happy tears, and there are emotional tears, but there aren’t any tears of frustration or desperation.  tears belong to an earlier time, and I have no plans to repeat them — not if I can help it.

And if I ever get married again, I hope my husband will cry at our wedding because I know  going to leak like a broken faucet, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Source : Yongsters

A Brief Guide For Diet Periodization For Long Term Fat Loss: If you’ve been struggling with fat loss for awhile, assuming you don’t have any underlying medical conditions that’s keeping you from naturally losing weight, this might be your solution.

Before this pandemic, many of us, including myself, took our health for granted. Now we see people stepping up to the plate, gathering information and doing their best to apply it to their daily lives for better health.

We see stats that mention rigorous exercise is essential to battling disease. We also see that people who have conditions such as hypertension, diabetes, etc are all at higher risk for complications.

With that being said, at this point in time it’s fertile ground for pushing information that will benefit people seeking reliable health and fitness guidance.

It’s this very reason why I decided to finally do a write up of the importance of “Diet Periodization.”

The fitness industry, for the most part, is superficial. The allure of six pack abs, low body fat all year round and the hype of supplements are too much to ignore.

Instagram is full of people who post booty and ab shots then include a link in their bio of their “Guide To 6 pack Abs In 30 Days Or Less.”

Then we have the “personal trainers” that have individuals do copious amounts of cardio, quarter squats as well as consume cookie cutter “meal plans.”

Diet Periodization is one of those key components that remain a mystery.

Trainers are getting use to the fact that counting calories by way of macronutrients are essential for reaching their clients weight loss goals.

They’re getting use to promoting the concept of calories in vs calories out(CICO). But the problem is that while many people understand how CICO can be manipulated to lose weight, they’re still left in the dark when it comes to keeping the weight off.

A Brief Review Of The Basics

Before we go into the nitty gritty of diet periodization, let’s rewind and address the basics of nutrition with regard to weight loss and weight gain.

When it comes to setting any goals with respect to our fitness goals, there is a hierarchy that has to be considered.

The best way to visualize this hierarchy is by looking at Dr. Eric Helms Muscle and Strength Nutrition Pyramid below.

Behavior & Lifestyle

The first thing we need to look at is the psychological factor involved which our whole fitness journey is predicated on. Needless to say, if you’re screwed up here, you’re bound to fail.

Behavior and lifestyle are going to have a huge impact on our ability to implement diet periodization because it takes a certain amount of discipline to begin and sustain the prescribed diet breaks at their maintenance levels via macronutrient breakdowns.

The psychological implications behind behavior and lifestyle also dictates our ability to effectively deploy will power against the menus that come our way at family cookouts and restaurants during bodybuilding prep(if you’re into that kind of stuff).

Another thing that isn’t talked about enough is sleep. We need adequate amounts of sleep or this whole pyramid is obsolete. Not getting enough sleep screws up our metabolism.

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Energy Balance

Next, our base, our foundation for all of our fitness goals is energy balance. This is the most fundamental quantitative aspect of this whole thing. If you’re not getting your energy balance or CICO, in order from jump street, you can forget the whole thing. Everyday will collapse under the weight of the above structures.

In other words, if your energy balance is not in order relative to your goals, you can forget your macronutrient breakdown, then you can forget your micronutrient requirements, nutrient timing and supplements.

I also want to quickly note that the further away from energy balance we move, the less important these aspects are.

For example, worrying about supplementation before energy balance is simply “putting the cart before the horse.”

Many of us in the early days of the fitness craze absolutely loved our supplements. We loved our protein powders, creatine and anything else that truly didn’t matter.

Macronutrients

Next, we have our macronutrients. Once we’ve dialed in our caloric intake, we breakdown our intake via macronutrients. This is what will dictate our body composition.

What do I mean by body composition? Quite simply, I mean our muscle to fat ratio.

We care about our macronutrient breakdown because we want to achieve our goal physique at our preferred body mass index or more accurately, our fat free mass index.

Lets take a deeper look at why this is appealing to us.

A man who is 5’11” 200 pounds with a body fat percent of 13% is going to look different than a man who is 5’11” 200 pounds with a body fat percent of 21%.

This is a product of diet, exercise and macro nutrient profile or breakdown.

Many people ignore macronutrient breakdown while getting the caloric intake via CICO correct relative to their weight loos goals. This is how people end up looking like deflated balloons aka skinny fat when they aren’t focusing on setting up their macronutrient profile.

So, when cutting weight, it is advisable to have a higher protein intake than when on a “bulk” as you want to preserve muscle tissue. You’ll end up looking better and feeling better about yourself when you follow the proper protocols for dialing in macros.

Micronutrients

Next up we have micronutrients. These are you water and fat soluble vitamins and minerals.

I won’t spend too much time here either because I’m not too crazy about them unless you are cutting weight.

When you’re cutting weight, you’re restricting calories, when you restrict calories you also restrict nutrients. This is where supplementation with multi vitamins comes in.

But if you’re on a “bulk” you don’t need to worry as much because if you’re getting 80% of your calories from nutritious whole foods, you’ll be good to go.

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Nutrient Timing

Next we have nutrient timing. Now if you had ask me if I believed in nutrient timing at all a few years ago, I would have told you that it’s all rubbish. I’m one of those people who don’t think that nutrient timing is all that important with the exception of protein powder intake.

I heard from “Thomas Delauer” that protein powder intake before training has some benefits.

Other than that, I’m not too crazy about it nutrient timing.

Consume your meals how you see fit(no pun intended) just so long as you’re hitting your macros. That is unless you’re prepping for a show. That’s another story and my articles aren’t for the aspiring competitive body builders.

I also want to add that when you’re cutting, it’s advisable to break your calories up into 3–5 meals per day. This way you’ll “trick” yourself into thinking you’re consuming more meals/calories than you really are.

Supplementation

Supplementation is at the tippy top of the pyramid. It is the least important aspect of nutrition.

If nutrition was a house, energy balance and macronutrients would be the foundation. Micronutrients would be the interior design, plumbing, electricity and the supplementation would be the paint of the exterior portion of the house.

The house is fine and serves its purpose without paint. You’re fine without supplements just so long as you’re getting your macros in.

When you’re cutting you might need a protein powder supplement to hit your protein requirements but that’s about it. And I wouldn’t even count protein as a supplement. It’s more like food in my eyes.

Supplements like creatine and caffeine are great for performance maintenance if you’ve just come off a long shift and need a boost.

All the other crap don’t waste your money on!

Adherence

I want to cap this section off by further emphasizing the psychological aspect, behavior and lifestyle.

If you want all of these concepts to gel properly, you need to be finding ways to maximize your ADHERENCE.

Adherence is important because it is the very thing that will keep you on track. Your ability to adhere to your meal plans, macro breakdown, etc will directly influence your results and therefore your motivation.

People ask me about motivation all the time. But what they fail to realize is that motivation is easily self generated by STICKING TO THE PLAN.

There’s nothing more motivating than being consistent and seeing results. When you adhere, you stay consistent, when you stay consistent you see results, when you see results you get motivated and then you adhere some more; the cycle continues!

What Is Diet Periodization?

Now! Let’s talk about diet periodization, shall we?

As I mentioned before this is the key ingredient that dictates sustainable fat loss. It is also a mystery to the masses because it is not so obvious. It’s also counter intuitive in some areas.

The mystery is instigated by occurrences in lack of weight loss progress that seem like they shouldn’t be. They spawn questions such as:

“Why would we need to take a diet break when we haven’t reached our goal weight yet?”

Or

“Why am I not losing weight when I’m not eating much?”

Or

“Why am I gaining weight despite barely eating throughout the day?”

Diet periodization is the process of taking prescribed “diet breaks” during your cutting phase in order to offset metabolic adaptations and encourage sustained fat loss.

I said a mouthful there. Let’s break the definition down. And we will do this by asking ourselves:

“Why do we need diet periodization?”

We need diet periodization for a few reasons:

  • To offset metabolic adaptions-Metabolic adaptations(within the scope of caloric restriction) is the body’s way to keep you alive during times of perceived famine. When we restrict calories for an extended period of time, our body goes into starvation mode. The body slows down the metabolism, we then, by definition end up in a caloric surplus, then we end up gaining weight. The body does this by slowing down or eliminating certain functions that require energy in order to conserve energy. This in turn causes us to store that energy as fat. For example, we see this with the former contestants on “The Biggest Loser.” On the show “The Biggest Loser,” the contestants restrict calories, sometimes in extreme, abrupt ways, for extended periods of time. They ended up losing the weight but after the show ended they would gain the weight back and then some! This is what happens when we restrict calories without diet periodization. When we take diet breaks, we re-assure our bodies that we aren’t starving. We are then able to continue sustained fat loss progress.
  • To Avoid Diet Fatigue-Once again i emphasis the psychological aspect of dieting. When we restrict calories for long periods of time we have to be careful as to not succumb to diet fatigue. This is where our will power depreciates the further into dieting we go. A great way to offset this is with a diet break of some sort. It doesn’t even have to be that long. It can be a short re-feed which we will get into in the coming sections.

How To Implement Diet Periodization?

Now that we know what diet periodization is and why we use it, let’s talk about how to deploy diet periodization.

Once you’ve had your caloric intake via macro nutrient break down accounted for, as well as the other details of micro nutrients, supplementation, etc, you want to track your weight loss progress for the next 4–6 weeks.

If all is well, you’ll be steadily losing weight week after week. You’ll be keeping track of how many weeks go by until you hit the 4–6 week mark.

You can use your body fat percentage as a cue to set your rate of weight loss. So if you’re at a high body fat percentage, you can afford to cut weight at a quicker rate.

If your body fat percentage is getting on the low side, you should probably slow it down a bit and be a little more lenient with your rate of weight loss via caloric restriction.

Now it’s time to take a diet break for the next WEEK(5–7 days or so).

Taking a diet break is simple. All you have to do is consume at caloric maintenance. This means that if you choose to take a diet break at week 6 and you weigh 176 pounds and stand at 5’9″, you’ll be consuming 2,780 calories for the week of your diet break.

You’ll also be dialing back your cardio by about 50%.

The whole point being it will give your body as break. You’ll probably gain 1 or 2 pounds during this week but that’s ok. It’s all for the greater good.

You’ll be offsetting or avoiding any metabolic adaptations. In the coming weeks you’ll be able to successfully sustain fat loss.

You can also do smaller diet breaks called “refeeds” that last about 1–2 days. You eat at maintenance and reduce physical activity so that your body and your mind can recover from extend caloric restriction.

My personal preference is to diet for 4–6 weeks then take a break rather than do small refeeds because knowing me, I’d probably make a habit out of those refeed days.

I address a specific scenario in which someone was having trouble losing weight.

Diet Periodization For Hardgainers?

Personally, I’ve taken diet breaks while bulking. I’m not sure if that’s a thing that people do within the fitness community as hardgainers but I did it for the express reason that I was tired of eating.

As a hardgainer, you have to be driving food constantly. If you don’t, you won’t grow. Simple as that.

When I was bulking up, I would take a week or so off from counting calories and just let my appetite do the work.

I didn’t really have to track my calories because my consumption was always at or just below maintenance, nothing that would zap my “gains.”

Summary

Alright so that’s pretty much it. Let’s recap.

“What is diet periodization?”

Diet periodization is the process of taking prescribed “diet breaks” during your cutting phase in order to offset metabolic adaptations and encourage sustained fat loss.

“Why do we utilize diet periodization?”

To avoid metabolic adaptations and to avoid diet fatigue.

“How long do diet breaks last?”

You can take a 5–7 days diet break or a 1–2 day re-feed at caloric maintenance.

That pretty much sums it up.

Remember the basics, first and foremost or none of this will have any context.

If you have been struggling with fat loss for awhile, assuming you don’t have any underlying medical conditions that’s keeping you from naturally losing weight, this might be your solution.

Source : Youngsters

Millions of people around the world eat garlic every day, but not many of them know that it actually has very strong medicinal properties. Ancient Egyptians, Greeks, Babylonians, and Chinese knew about the health benefits of garlic and used it extensively. It is also a potent remedy to various illnesses and conditions according to Ayurveda in India, although it is mentioned it has some side effects as well. So, you can continue using garlic in your pizzas and pastas, but you can also use it as an actual medicine when you get sick. Here are 7 reasons to use garlic for your health.

Cold and flu

Garlic is a powerful immunity booster and will help your body deal with cold or flu in no time due to the sulphur compounds that form when you crush, cut, or chew a fresh garlic clove. This means that you can reap the most benefits from consuming raw garlic. To battle the seasonal flu take a few raw cloves of garlic or make a garlic tea with addition of some ginger and honey to make the taste more bearable. This will boost your immunity and relieve cold symptoms.

Nutrients

Garlic is chock-full of vitamins and minerals that are essential for your overall well-being. It has high levels of Vitamin C, copper, iron, selenium, magnesium and vitamin B6. The latter two are known to be responsible for cognitive functions, brain health, and good mood. Garlic is low on calories, which makes it a perfect food supplement to boost your health.

Anti-parasitic

For thousands of years our predecessors have been using garlic to fight various infections, ward off parasites, and flush out toxins. You can also say good-bye to bad bacteria and yeast infections. A mouth wash made from garlic will clear all the cavity-causing bacteria from your mouth, although it’s not the most freshening remedy. Prolonged intake of garlic and certain herbal mixes will free your body from all kinds of parasites.

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Normalize blood pressure

High blood pressure is the cause of various heart diseases. Not only does garlic help regulate blood pressure, it also balances out cholesterol levels and lowers blood sugar. All this happens to the sulphuric compound Allicin that is present in freshly cut, crushed, or pressed garlic. This means that you will get the most benefits by consuming un-cooked garlic as it loses most of its medicinal properties once you add it as an ingredient to your meals.

Youthful skin

One of the main reasons our skin looks tired and old is the lack of collagen, which happens due to inappropriate diet, inadequate sleep cycle, and stress. All these factors lead to more wrinkles, making you look older than you care. Garlic helps retain collagen and it can also be used topically to treat various skin conditions and fungal infections.

 

Healthy hair

You might have heard that onion can somewhat restore your damaged hair – well, garlic can also provide some beautifying effect. If you have thin bristle hair and you feel that you’re losing too much of it, take some garlic extract (from raw crushed garlic) and rub it gently into your scalp. As you probably know, all hair problems lead either to your diet or to your scalp. You need to keep them both healthy! You can also try some garlic-infused oils and massage your head at least once a week. Your hair will become much stronger.

How to use it

Now that you know that garlic is pretty amazing, especially when consumed raw, you might want to include it into your diet. Make a tangy salad dressing by crushing a clove of garlic and mixing it with some olive or sunflower oil. You can also make a healthy, although a bit smelly, spread for a toast – just mash one garlic clove and mix it with some ghee for a better taste. If raw garlic isn’t for you, just use it to spice up your veggies, soups, and smoothies. There are also supplements you can take that have no odour whatsoever!

Long distance relationships are not for everyone. It’s hard work keeping them going. While you might think that with the internet and all the social media and apps available it’s pretty easy to keep in touch, it doesn’t really replace real face to face communication. Plus, the fact that you can’t just hug your partner or do something as simple as hold hands can really get to you, even if you’re not generally a very touchy feely person. So before you get into one it’s really important to figure out if it’s something that will work for you. If you’re wondering do long distance relationships work and can long distance relationships work, we’re here to tell you – yes! They just take more effort, but if it’s the right person, it’ll be worth it. Here are some tips for long distance relationships.

1. Communicate Clearly

If you’re asking yourself how to make long distance relationships work – the first and most important thing is to establish clear communication with your partner. It’s hard enough doing that when you live together, but when you’re doing long distance it’s the key to making it work. So make sure to communicate regularly and clearly, without leaving the other person in the dark and wondering.

2. Set Goals

Long distance relationships require a lot of planning. You can’t just be in one without a clear timeline. So you need to figure out what’s your long term goal. Who’s moving where eventually or maybe both of you are moving to a third country where you plan to live together in the future.

3. Be Creative

You’ve got to be creative with your communication when in a long distance relationship. Just texting all day every day isn’t really a good idea. You will end up getting bored in the best case scenario and annoyed in the worst case. Have video calls, regular calls, schedule date evenings where you dress up, cook and have dinner over Facetime. Watch movies together, go on walks while you talk, etc.

4. Surprise Gifts

Sending each other gifts for birthdays, holidays and special occasions is a no brainer, but surprise gifts for no reason can be a great way to show your partner you love them. If you see something while shopping online that you think they’ll love – just buy it for them.

5. Plan Visits

Plan to visit each other and buy tickets in advance so that you have stuff to look forward to. Don’t just leave it to “when I save enough money I’ll visit”. Buying a ticket will make you way more motivated to save money for the actual trip because you already have the timeline and the date to count down to.

6. Travel Together

If you can afford to travel on your vacations – it’s always a good idea to travel together. This way both of you will be exploring a new place together and discovering things at the same time. That’s a great way to bond because instead of telling each other about something you get to both experience it together.

7. Enjoy Alone Time

It’s tempting to just spend all the time calling and texting each other but it’s also important to put the phone away sometimes and just enjoy some alone time without feeling guilty. Same goes for hanging out with friends and family, they deserve some time with you, without you being glued to the phone 24/7.

8. Determine Ground Rules

It’s best to set boundaries and rules at the start. Determine what kind of a relationship this is. Are you going to be exclusive or is it okay to go on dates with other people? This comes hand in hand with being honest. There’s no point in saying you’re exclusive but having someone on the side because “they will never know”. That will only lead to heartbreak.

And why you should be doing it amidst the Coronavirus madness.

COVID-19 has thrown us a curve ball the likes of which we, as a society, have never before seen.

The widespread advice right now is to stay home unless absolutely necessary. Schools have closed. Mass social gatherings have been cancelled. Many have voluntarily self quarantined.

Just like a healthy diet, exercise can contribute to general good health and therefore to a healthy immune system. It may contribute even more directly by promoting good circulation, which allows the cells and substances of the immune system to move through the body freely and do their job efficiently. — Harvard Health Publishing

Aside from avoiding large gatherings, not touching our faces, and washing our hands a lot; investing in a strong immune system is one of the best precautionary measures we can take.

The workout:

*Note: I’ve provided links to very brief, easy to understand tutorials of every exercise you may not have heard of before; simply click on their names.

  • Y-Handcuffs — 10 reps
  • Isometric push up — 20–30 sec. hold at the top position
  • Isometric push up — 20–30 sec. hold at the bottom position *chest hovering just above the ground*
  • Push ups — As many good reps as possible

Source : Medium

There’s one big secret, right in front of you.

When I was 19, a guy placed his hand on my cheek at a New Year’s Eve party and told me I was beautiful. He did that after about 20 minutes of flirting, to underscore his intentions.

It was a bold move —but it worked. Later that night we sat outside in the grass, holding hands and kissing.

The point of this story isn’t that you should walk up to girls and put your hand on their face and tell them they’re beautiful.

It’s something else:

There’s no single right way to ask someone out. There’s lots of ways — and only a few of them are wrong (because they’re illegal). Some suit your personality, and some don’t.

Dating apps have made everyone a little spoiled. We don’t invest anymore. We swipe. We think it makes dating easier.

But it doesn’t, not really.

It leads to swiping sickness. You look for love on your phone, when it could be right in front of you.

You rely on an algorithm to decide if you’re minimally compatible, and you wind up dehumanizing the most important step of a relationship — actually telling someone how you feel about them.

You put more thought into your connection to that person. If you’ve just met — you spend more time observing them, and listening. You have to make a decision, and a real commitment.

You have to deal with ambiguities, uncertainties, anticipation… You actually have to decide if the possibility of being with them is worth the hurt of hearing no. You have to summon confidence. And you have to make yourself vulnerable for a minute.

The word sure means something.

By comparison, swiping on someone is easy. You can swipe on 12 chicks in one night. Hey, dating apps work for lots of people. But they’ll never work for everyone. And if all you do is swipe-swipe-swipe, or wait to be swiped on, you’re taking a passive approach.

You’re missing out on the little nuances of human interaction that make a relationship in the first place.

When you swipe, you don’t really earn your first date. So you take it for granted. You almost waste it. You think, “If this doesn’t work out, there’s 23 other matches in my zip code.”

A date is more than an audition for sex.

There’s no such thing as an indirect approach. And yet, loads of guys (and girls) cling to it. Here’s the thing, you can’t trick someone into a date. Hiding your intentions just confuses things.

Almost anything counts as a date if you ask the right way. Don’t say, “Let’s meet up for coffee sometime.” You do that with work pals. If you want to go out with a girl, then say, “Can I take you out for coffee next Friday?” Or you say, “What are you doing this weekend?”

The direct approach doesn’t always get a direct answer. You have to deal with a polite dodge. If she tells you she’s busy and leaves it at that, she’s not playing hard to get. She’s not interested.

Maybe directness sounds a little dull. You’d rather establish a kind of rapport with someone first. You want to see how quick-witted they are. You want to see if your personalities match.

That’s fine — it’s why you flirt.

Everyone eventually flirts. All flirting comes down to is joking around with someone you want to have sex with. Some of us don’t really start flirting until midway through a date.

Others want to flirt before the date even starts.

It makes sense. When you joke with someone, you’re finding little ways to upset their expectations, which means you have to find out what those expectations are. You have to learn about them. Flirting is a fun way to build up to a date. If they joke back, it usually means they’re into you. If they don’t, then you should probably stop messing with them. They either don’t like you, or they’re not your type.

I’ve seen guys and girls ask someone out with barely a word. They see each other, and they just know.

They walk right up and hand you their phone number. They smile at you and hold your eyes on their way out the door.

You call them and set up a date — maybe coffee, or a drink. You either chat for a few minutes, or an hour. Great relationships start this way, even if they don’t always work out in the end.

The only wrong approach is one that makes you feel uncomfortable, or one that violates someone’s consent.

You never just ask someone out with your words — you do it with your eyes and face, and your shoulders.

Be inviting and confident, but not pushy. Just like you can’t trick someone into a date, you can’t intimidate or guilt anyone into one either. Some guys out there literally beg for love, or preemptively shame women for giving out fake phone numbers. That’s not cool.

A fake phone number or a lame excuse is the same thing as a no. It just means she was scared, and probably for a good reason.

Touching a girl’s face or hair after twenty minutes of conversation is about as bold as anyone should ever get.

If she doesn’t like it, she’ll let you know pretty quick. Don’t defend or justify yourself. Just apologize and leave her alone. Not every girl is a 19-year-old waiting to be swept off her feet on New Year’s Eve.

Maybe dating apps have killed the subtle art of asking someone out. But you can bring it back. It’ll be good for you.

Source : Medium

How it happened and what it taught me.

I didn’t know what negging was until I told a female friend this story.

After telling her the short version, she said, “That is negging Sean. It isn’t nice.”

Then I had to ask her what negging meant. After she explained it, I had to press rewind and explain that my “negging” wasn’t intentional.

If you don’t know, negging is when a guy acts like a jerk to a girl just to get her to like him. It often involves putting a woman down or being crass. It’s a common tactic by younger men, with egos and something to prove, but a few of them do it well in adulthood.


My Trip To Bizarro Land

Katie invited me to meet her out with a group of friends.

I arrived at this bar/restaurant, which was large, high-end and ornately decorated.

The bar is somewhat known to be the type of place where younger women and older men with money tend to mingle. Honestly, I had no business being there as I was neither. But I was bored. And Katie was kind enough to include me.

I walked into this establishment, and it was fairly crowded, with lots of people holding brightly colored drinks in fancy glasses. Everyone was dressed in cocktail attire.

I walked over to meet up with the group, who were sitting in a dimly lit corner in the patio area. There were eight of them. Five women. Three men. One was a younger guy, who was dating Katie. The other two were older gentlemen, who were bankrolling the evening.

I sat down on a couch with them. Katie introduces me to her friend Rachel, who is the subject of this story, and sitting to my left. Immediately, I recognize Rachel. Why? Because I’d seen her Tinder profile only a day prior.

We exchange greetings and proceed to hang out for a bit, Everyone is talking. I was getting free drinks from the older gentleman who was quite generous. They were two business executives from Canada who were in town for meetings here in Tampa.

An hour or two goes by. We are a few drinks in. We have a nice buzz. There is good, chill music playing and we are having a good time. And then we stray to the topic of online dating, dating profiles, and people we’d met online. It is a rich topic for discussion.

I don’t know how we got to it. And I don’t know what possessed me to say this, but I said to Rachel, “Oh yeah! I think I saw your Tinder profile the other day!”

And that is when I stepped into a trap I set for myself.

Without missing a beat Rachel smiled and said, “Oh yeah? And did you swipe right!?” (right means yes on Tinder).

Before I could even speak, my face inadvertently grimaced, betraying my answer: I had not swiped yes on her profile. I’m a terrible liar. It’s a blessing and a curse. Tonight it was a curse.

Rachel was definitely pretty. But she just wasn’t my type.

And oh boy, if you could have seen her face in the instant that I grimaced. She did this open mouth smile that was filled with astonishment.

“You — didn’t swipe yes?!” as if she was incredulous that I had the audacity to do such a thing.

And from there, I was playing defense, full backpedal. Me, mister “I can’t lie”, was now lying to cover my tracks, “Well — I knew…you were…. close friends with Katie and all..”

I told you I am bad at lying.

But I was scrambling and felt bad. I could have just been honest but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. Though it seemed more like I had hurt her ego more.

Here is the crazy thing.

She was indignant but it was the flirtiest indignation you could ever see. From that point forward, this woman was all up in my business. And I don’t say that with any sort of bravado. It wasn’t by design.

Through the remainder of the night, she jokingly brought my left swipe up, oh, I’ll say a dozen or so times.

“Oh but I’m not hot enough to swipe right on?”

“Oh well, would you swipe right on her?”

In some bizarro-land reality, telling her I swiped left her was the sexiest thing she’d ever heard. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy the attention and even the hazing. But it was still crazy to watch that switch.

Even if I did neg her, it was the softest definition of such a thing. If anything, I was just answering a question.


Making Sense Of It All

In practice, negging is mean spirited and preys on people’s insecurities. And even more, it’s a total playground tactic, like throwing sand on the girl you like. But hey, I suppose there is a market for everything these days.

I will say, my experience at that bar did provide an interesting contrast to the times where I was pulling out all the stops, being charming, making reservations, trying to be sweet and funny — but really, just chasing a woman who was only mildly interested, only to watch her slip through my fingers.

And then there I was seeing a woman shapeshift when she found out I swiped left on her.

If anything it is a testament to the importance of keeping it cool when you are in the initial stages of dating. Don’t be slapping your knee and laughing at everything the other person says.

Coming off as overly interested will make you seem like a low-value prospect like you don’t have many equitable options. Take the edge off your pursuit. Dangle a bit of ambiguity; it is like jet fuel to the attraction.

But I wouldn’t go so far as to go around telling women you swiped left on their Tinder profile. It would be mean. It only worked for me because I was being authentic.

And because I felt like a trapped animal.

Source : Medium