The problem isn’t your relationship status, it’s your mindset.

From the time I was sixteen, I dated one person after another. I didn’t take a break from finding love for over a decade, and it took two crappy breakups for me to finally realize I had a problem with being single.

I thought that with singledom came the possibility I’d never find love. I bought into the notion that not being in a relationship meant something was wrong with me. And when it came down to it, being by myself terrified me; I didn’t know what I liked doing during a night alone in my apartment.

It wasn’t until I intentionally took a year off from dating that I started to change my mind about being single. I realized that my need to be in a relationship and inability to be alone said a lot more about me than just my views on love.

And while I think there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship (it’s a human need, can’t deny that), there’s room to love being single along the way. Whether you’re like me, a newly single serial monogamist, or someone who hates going to sleep alone every night, hopefully, this information will help you work towards loving your single life.

Realize that unhappily single is simply a mindset.

Not everyone is single and hating their life. In fact, the people in the happiest relationships were pretty ok and didn’t mind when they were single before. That’s because the whole notion of “unhappily single” is just a mindset. It’s the same concept of how being alone isn’t a feeling, it’s a state. You can either see it as solitude or lonely, that choice is up to you.

Here are some ideas for you to consider to help shift your mind about being single:

  • Finding love isn’t something to be rushed. Finding someone to spend your life with isn’t something you can force. Love comes in its own time, and rushing things will only cause yourself to feel shitty along the way.
  • There’s more to life than being in a relationship. There’s one thing we have a limited amount of in our lives: time. Refuse to waste yours being unhappy while you try to find someone to spend yours with.
  • When you’re happy, you’re less likely to settle. Insecure people will accept whatever love comes their way. But people who have a life they love to fall back on won’t be scared to draw boundaries and wait for a love that feels right.
  • Being happily single and wanting a relationship can coincide. You can value your alone time while still trying to date. You can learn to love your life without another person, while still trying to find someone to spend it with. These two things aren’t mutually exclusive.

Use this time wisely.

Having all your time to yourself when you’re single is unmatched. You can stay in and re-watch every season of Breaking Bad if you wantInstead of planning your weekend around someone else’s schedule, try out new hobbies and figure out what your interests are.

Or, if you want to focus on the bigger picture, start the business you’ve been dreaming of creating. Make a plan to pivot into a new career. Accomplish whatever goal you’ve had on your list for years now. With all this free time, you get to choose what to do with it. And when time is precious, how can having all of yours to yourself be a bad thing?

Strengthen the other relationships in your life.

Your best tool for navigating the dating field will be strong relationships outside of any romantic one. Your friends and family are great resources for when you’re going through a hard time. They’re also the people who know you the best. Sometimes, relationships get in the way of maintaining them. Use your time while single to see the people that matter most to you.

During my year off from dating, I planned two trips to see my friends that lived out of state. Traveling while single and seeing my friends at the same time had to be one of the best experiences I’d had in a long time.

Get off social media when it overwhelms you.

Social media is damaging to your psyche, especially if you feel bad about your single life. People only post the highlight reel of their relationships; never the arguments and hurt feelings. Any person can easily fall victim to feeling like their love life lacks in comparison.

Part of my single life journey was unfollowing anyone’s profile that made me feel bad. I don’t want it to seem like I think those people did it intentionally. Of course, they didn’t. But limiting that kind of content I saw helped me stay focused on bettering my life in a way that felt fulfilling.

Delete the apps, at least for now.

Dating apps are designed to be addictive; they want you to swipe without even having to think. If being constantly bombarded by profiles and hoping for something more makes you feel awful, delete your apps. There’s no need to be on them.

Instead, focus back on those newly-found activities you love to do. Go out into the world and be someone who loves their life. I promise, that kind of energy will still attract people, even when you’re not meaning to. But at the very least, you’re not wasting hours swiping on a dating app that leaves you feeling worse than when you first got on.

Create love when you feel like you need it.

If you feel desperate for someone to date when you’re single, there’s nothing wrong with that. But if you’re quick to fill that void with whoever will give you the attention, I’d caution you to think differently. By looking for love elsewhere, you’re not filling the void that you feel inside you. Instead of trying to take love from someone, try creating some; it feels a whole lot better.

When I was single, I did more drawing and hiking and volunteering at the animal shelter, and I took up drum lessons. I did activities I loved, rather than trying to make it happen with another person. During that time, I felt so much more fulfillment from my life than dating ever gave me.


Being single isn’t this plagued part of a person’s life. You have all the power to make your life into one you love, regardless of having a romantic partner.

That way, when you do find someone, you’re the best version of yourself. That way, when love comes into your life, it’s simply the cherry on top.

Source : Medium