Secure attachment isn’t addictive.
Insecure relationships feel like you’re stuck on a rollercoaster. As sickening as the ups and downs are, they can also be addictive. When we aren’t emotionally stable, we often accept any breadcrumbs thrown our way.
I spent 6 years accepting breadcrumbs. I was insecure and lusting after emotionally unavailable people who didn’t want me back. I had no idea what an emotionally secure relationship looked like.
Until I changed my attachment style to secure after years of being anxious-avoidant.
Here are 4 things emotionally secure people don’t do in relationships.
1. Shut off their emotions
Emotionally secure people are comfortable with being open and vulnerable. You can talk about how much you love your partner without freaking them out.
You don’t need to pry them open like an Oyster to talk about deeper topics.
I didn’t know how to express my feelings in a healthy way. Secure people are comfortable with having emotions and confronting them.
2. Cling onto you for dear life
Independence is easy for secure people, and they don’t mind if you do the same. You won’t get 500 messages a day complaining about how angry they are at you for not replying instantly.
I was a clingy person in my first relationship, I couldn’t leave my ex-girlfriend’s side. When you’re emotionally insecure, it can feel like you’re facing abandonment at any moment.
Secure people don’t fly into a fit of jealousy out if you decide to go to a bar with your friends.
They trust their partners. When you feel secure within yourself, nobody can shake you from your tree.
3. Play mind games
When secure people know what they want, they go for it. When you ask “what are we?” they’ll be upfront and tell you. They won’t run away had hide from adult topics.
They don’t play mind games and jerk you around every few days.
Emotionally insecure people will keep their options open. They’re afraid of commitment. Secure people will make it known they love you and care about you.
They are in it for the long-run, they know what they want. You won’t need to second guess your partner or their motives, because they’re genuine and honest.
4. Set unrealistic expectations of their partners
Emotionally insecure people set unrealistic expectations of what their ideal partner looks like. But I’ll tell you a secret. They’ll never find their dream partner.
Do you know why? Because the person doesn’t exist! Creating a dream partner with unrealistic expectations is code for:
“I’m afraid of intimacy, so if I make my dream partner unrealistic nobody will ever get close to me.”
These people will never be happy with anyone. Secure people accept their partners for the person they are. Warts and all.
Emotionally securely people are comfortable within themselves. When you’re comfortable within yourself, you don’t feel the need to play games.
Talking about emotions doesn’t feel like it’s the end of the world either. You don’t cling onto your partner for dear life because you’re terrified of being alone.
When you’re emotionally secure, you’re unshakable.